A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
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An old leather-faced cowboy came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff. "Howdy, stranger...", said the Sheriff."Howdy, Sheriff...", replied the cowboy. The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don’t shine. He dropped the horse’s tail, and stepped up on the walk and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon. The sheriff, hardly able to believe his eyes, exclaimed "Hold on there, Mister!"
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Here is an idea for a short film of sorts.
I live in San Francisco and the city receives a decent amount of rain every year. On the days when the rain seems to be really pounding down, the gutters often times overflow, resulting in the presence of MASSIVE puddles in major intersections throughout the city.
I am thinking of a prank that could be very funny. Here is how it would work:
There are two teams of people who are focused on using these puddles for purely nefarious interntions.
Team One - On the ground monitoring puddled intersections. These would be our "eyes and ears" as they arearmed with video cameras and walkie-talkies.
Team Two - In cars waiting for instructions
Team one would notify the drivers via walkie-talkie when street walkers are approaching a massive puddle. The drivers would then immediately alter course and drive through the puddle just before the pedestrian decides that he/she should get out of the way. The result - a fine video of a person or group of persons getting doused with a massive brown rooster tail! I count on a huge laugh factor. Oh, and some very pissed off people.
Thoughts?
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Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home. The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we will never forget you!' " | |
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What's one thing you regret not doing?
Submitted by Mr. Nice.
I know this sounds kind of tacky, but I will always regret not studying harder in college. While I did pretty well, I definitely slacked and missed out on some good opportunities. I guess I can make it all back in Grad School!
I also regret that I never asked Katherine Zeta-Jones out on a date.
A scientist and a philosopher were in Africa being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist made some quick calculations and said to the philosopher “it's no good trying to outrun it, its catching up”.
The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied “I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to outrun you!”
A man is walking on the beach when he discovers a bottle containing a genie. He rubs it and a genie comes out, who promises to grant him one wish. He says, "Peace in the Middle east, that's my wish." The genie looks concerned, then says "No, I'm sorry, that's just not possible. Some things just can't be changed. Do you have another wish?" The guys says "Well...for my whole life I've never received oral sex from my wife. That would be my second wish." The genie pauses for another moment and then says "How exactly would you define peace?"
I just love looking at all the unique expressions in this photo. Check out the kid in the upper left hand corner of the photo with the big T on his cup, or the woman behind the victim who is completely oblivious to the entire situation...
Sometimes, you just have to applaud complete insanity. This is the best Halloween costume I saw in 2006.
The Setting:
A Halloween party in the Central Valley that had over 400 attendees. I will mention that is was a chilly night, a very chilly night...
The Costume:
Borat - Everyone's favorite Kazakh reporter
The Oufit:
Fighter pilot sunglasses, a bathing suit, some dirty blue socks, old brown shoes, a dirty mustache.
The Result:
This individual arrived at the party in costume and received over 200 photo requests. Is this the most ballsy costume you have ever seen? YOU MAKE THE CALL!
Now from the back (I know you all are curious!)
Many of you have seen the wonderful Overstock.com TV advertising campaign featuring Sabine Ehrenfeld. The O-girl is widely known for her stunning beauty and sultry facial expressions. But did anyone know she could hold 10 baseballs in one hand? Or palm a basketball? Or bitch slap you silly? CLICK IMAGE TO ENLARGE...
